I recently saw a post on Facebook which said “If you think being courted with cheap dates is acceptable, you are a Pick Me.” I have to respectfully disagree. I know there is no pick me bone in my body and I have been on enough dates to be sure. Simply put, dating is the art of getting to know someone. That’s it. Dates are not for men to impress you. The point of date is to get to know the other person. No matter how much a date costs if you are not getting to know the other person you are not dating, you are just sharing space.
I find a lot of women believe that how much a man spends on a date is either indicative of the woman’s worth or indicative of a man’s interest. It’s actually neither. As I say in my book Date Like A Woman “The truth is, how much a man spends on you is not indicative of his interest or love.” And “[i]f you believe that a man’s interest or worthiness is equal to the amount of money he spends on you then you have basically said you are for sale.” I know many women think going on a cheap date means they are “settling,” it’s not. Remember it’s JUST a date, not a marriage. Going on a cheap date is just another opportunity to get to know someone. (And so we are clear, I do not consider a man inviting you to his house a “date,” not even a cheap one!)
Trust me, I have been on super expensive dates and super cheap dates, one is no better than the other. Also the men who took me on super expensive dates weren’t necessarily more compatible with me because they spent more money and the men who took me on cheap dates weren’t necessarily less compatible with me because they spent less money. It was the time I spent getting to know them that helped me decide who I best clicked with. Dating is about figuring out who you are compatible with. Turns out I was most compatible with someone who liked one of my favorite things to do, spending the day at the beach. Some would call that a cheap date but for me finding someone who actually liked to spend the day at the beach was one of the best things to ever happen to to me.
Being open to going on a cheap date or even liking cheap dates doesn’t make you a pick me. Pandering to men and throwing other women under a bus to get a date? That makes you a pick me. But enjoying a walk in the park or having ice cream is definitely not a pick me activity. It’s a date.
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