How do you identify your league and find guys in it? I’m very much an introvert and not one to go out to places most my age do.


Dear Kelly,

That’s a great question. In my book I refer to “leagues” as “circles” because “saying ‘league’ sometimes leads one to believe someone’s social status is elevated above someone else’s.” And that is not true.  

When it comes to dating, there are many types of circles/leagues, and it is best when we date within our leagues/circles. How do we identify what social circles/leagues we are in? The best way to know that is to take a look around you. Look closely at your life.  Where do you live? Where do you work? What do you like to do? Who do you spend most of your time around? These are all indicators of your circles.

Your own life is the best way to identify what circles you are in. Chances are you spend time with those who are most similar to you. The men who are most similar to the folks you hang around are the men who are in your circles. For example, if you work in technology then there’s a good chance you hang around a lot of people who also work in tech. Chances are you will probably have a lot in common with a guy who also works in tech. Circles are not just limited to your profession, of course, but having an idea of who you are gives you a good idea of which circles you are already in and can help identify your leagues. So it’s best to have a good idea of who you are!

As far as being an introvert, well that’s something you will have to overcome. Being an introvert you are probably very selective about who you hang around which is why you probably don’t go out to the places that people your age go to. One thing you can do instead is identify your biggest interest(s). Once you do that join a group, organization, or social club of that interest. No matter what though, if you want to meet men, you are going to have to go where they are. (Check out this blog: “Ladies, You have to go out to meet men!“) So take a good look at your interests and head to those activities.

As always have fun! And remember you are not limited to one circle or league, you can date in several!


Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!

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