I’m a single mom and have sole custody of my son. I work full-time outside of home and part-time from home as a writer. My family lives far away and I don’t really have extra cash to hire babysitters, except on special occasions. I just find it hard to find time to fit a man in, to date, or even to meet men (and I WANT a man in my life). How do I find time to date men in a real way? What kind of dates do I go on? How do I explain my limited time to a guy?
Any dating tips for my situation would be appreciated!
Libby
Hi Libby,
As a single mom, time is a big factor and much more precious because you have a busy life already, and the cost of child care must be factored in. Nevertheless, while these are very important considerations, they are not insurmountable obstacles. I cover this in my book, “Dating while being a mom does not change anything. Seriously. You can date just like a woman without children. You may have more things to consider, such as free time and child care, but your basic dating life is the same as a woman who doesn’t have children.” – Date Like A Woman.
So what do you do? Get creative!
When my daughter was younger I was actually in your situation. If you are a single mom with no access to close family to help you with child care, finding free time is a bit more complicated. Babysitters really are expensive. But, here are a couple of tips on the child care situation.
Check out your local recreation department or gym for “Parents’ Night Out” programs. Parents night out programs are great. They are like day camp, but on a Friday or Saturday evening, where they throw a big movie night or similar activity and they will watch your children for up to 4 hours. It’s basically shared babysitting but at a much lower cost than a regular sitter. Your son will love it too!
Men will sometimes offer to pay for a babysitter because they really do want to go out with you. I have even split babysitting costs with my dates. Do not expect this from the men you date, but if they offer, take them up on it!
The other solution that I used a lot was a child care trade with one of my mommy friends. I would watch one of my friend’s child overnight one day and then she would do the same for me on another day. It’s super great. Even my married mommy friends would love a night alone too. The best part about this type of arrangement is that it’s FREE! (If you don’t have any mommy friends, get some ASAP. You need mommy friends. It’s necessary!)
If you absolutely can’t find child care, go on lunch or coffee dates during your work hours. Do not limit yourself to thinking you have to give a massive block of time to getting to know someone. Eventually, if you do hit it off with a guy, he is going to spend time around your child anyway. When that happens you can even do things like dinner/movie nights at home.
The other thing I really want you to understand is this. If a man you are dating doesn’t “get” that you are a mom and your time must be prioritized, he is not the man you should be dating. So, don’t worry about having to explain to any man you date that you have limited time. The man who is truly interested in you will see your dedication as a mother as an asset. Those are the men you should make time for, the ones who understand that you and your son are a whole package.
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
