This morning I read Glynnis MacNicol’s July 5, New York Times article, “I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me?” I easily relate to her article. While I am not child-free, I am in my 40s, and have lived a very happy life being single. In my book I state, “I know the world looks at single women, especially if she is over thirty and has no kids, as some sort of plague that has hit the earth, but there are plenty of happy, single women in this world.” – Date Like A Woman.
In reality it is not unusual for single women to be happy. In fact, I have found many of my single friends to be happier with their lives than many of my married friends. It is almost as though a terrible joke has been played on women, and for hundreds of years. Society’s refrain to women is, “Hey, you aren’t going to be happy…*drumroll* …unless you get this man…and kids…that you’ll have to sacrifice your life for. You don’t want to be *horror music*….SINGLE!!!…FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Our culture is programmed to believe that women are nothing outside of their attachment to a man and children, and that being married with kids, validates womanhood. This idea is so deeply ingrained in our culture that basically if you say you are “single and happy,” most people think you are just saying that to “keep your spirits up.” People have a hard time accepting things that are counter-culture. The truth is, happy single women, are a threat to patriarchy. The hard backlash against happy single women is because they simply do not fit inside of patriarchal culture.
But, back to being happy. As I state in my book, “Your happiness should never be dependent on something outside of yourself. If you are looking for someone else to complete you, you will always be incomplete.” –Date Like A Woman. Here’s the thing a lot of people miss; only you know what makes you happy. And, only you can make you happy.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being married, being single, having children, or having no children. The point is to do what makes you happy. Do not ever care about what other people think about your life. It is your life, and since they have no plans to live it for you it is in your best interest to live your best life as how you see fit.
The fact is, the only way to be truly happy is to be happy on your own terms, independent of anyone else’s opinion. That is why Glynnis MacNicol’s article makes so much sense. Kudos to you Glynnis. You have a new fan!
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
