It’s Valentine’s Day, the day people go out of their way to prove they are in love and in a wonderful relationship. Social media posts of flowers, candy, and dinners are abundant. Some folks are walking around with those big heart balloons…while you have none. Many of you who are single are probably feeling a bit down. Social media feels a lot like high school all over again.

I just want to say this to all of you single ladies. It’s better to be single on Valentine’s Day than in a bad relationship. Trust me I know. I spent almost nine years in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship, that from the outside to many seemed great. While I loved Valentine’s Day as a kid, I would always give out cards to all of my classmates, when I became a young adult Valentine’s Day turned into the day that suddenly everyone had to show that someone loved them. I always thought this was ridiculous. I still think it’s ridiculous.

When you love someone you show love everyday. But, while I was in that unhappy relationship, Valentine’s Day became a stressful day, full of anxiety, because suddenly I was under pressure to prove that I was in a loving, happy, relationship. I wasn’t. I started actually dreading Valentine’s Day. I hated having to “show” love when I didn’t “feel” loved. It was horrible. Sure, I had flowers and candy to display on social media but behind those photos was an unhappy person.

It was only when I was single again that I no longer felt that pressure to prove my love. Suddenly I felt free and happy! I didn’t care anymore about having to show others my relationship was great. Suddenly I was free from the pressure of Valentine’s Day.

This isn’t to say that it’s not fun to celebrate Valentine’s Day but the pressure to prove to those outside of my relationship that I was happily in love turned this day into quite a monster. Behind many of those “Happy Valentine’s Day” posts are broken relationships. We can never know what someone else’s relationship is truly like so it’s best to never envy what we only see from the outside.

Remember, the commercialization of Valentine’s Day was done to make you feel inadequate as a single woman. There is pressure to make you feel that you MUST show the world someone loves you. The truth is, when someone really loves you, you don’t care whether or not others know it.

So listen, if you have a date for Valentine’s Day, great. If you don’t, that’s great too. But, don’t beat yourself up on a day that is supposed to be about love. Instead show yourself some love!

~Kai

(P.S. My book is on sale! Use code: VDAY4U)

Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!

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