Folks who know me well know that I do not pay attention to the “family who shall not be named.” But, this morning after watching Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Red Table Talk with guest Jordyn Woods, I feel an obligation to speak especially to young women, and to women in general.
As many of you know, Jordyn Woods has been caught up in the “family who shall not be named’s” latest publicity grab. Unfortunately, she has been painted as some evil “home wrecker” for going to Tristan Thompson’s house after a night out.
After listening to her version of events I did not see it that way. Sadly, during Red Table Talk I watched a twenty-one year old young woman become apologetic for being a normal twenty-one year old young woman showing normal twenty-one year old young woman behaviors. She went out with her friends. She went to an after party at a guy’s house. She drank alcohol. She was flirtatious. And, she left his house in the wee hours of the morning where HE kissed her. This is NORMAL for young women! It’s expected. Yet, somehow, this young lady is being forced to be apologetic for normal things that young women do.
Now, according to her and many others, what she did was a transgression against another woman. I find that absolute foolishness. Sure, she may have known the girlfriend, but what is never said is that no one outside of a relationship has any obligation to that relationship. Let’s please, please, stop this stupid, sexist, way of thinking. The only people who owe loyalty to a relationship are the people in it.
Women may choose to respect other’s relationships and boundaries, but are not obligated to and should never feel apologetic if a man chooses to disrespect HIS relationship. Basically, Jordyn has done nothing wrong and should NOT apologize to anyone.
Women are CONSTANTLY blamed for the behavior of men. Nowhere in the Red Table Talk discussion did anyone mention Tristan Thompson’s commitment to his relationship and the responsibilities that come with that. Questions such as, why is he having a party with a bunch of young women? What about his flirtation? Or, why was he kissing her when she departed? Where is his culpability for HIS actions?
Blaming women for the actions of men and pitting women against one another has gone on for centuries. It’s time we stop blaming women for men’s cheating and start blaming the actual person cheating, the man, in this case Tristan. He’s the problem, (if he’s really in a relationship because he stays in the gossip headlines for his trysts with multiple women). He’s the one his girlfriend should focus on, (but that would get less free press).
While women are very powerful, let’s stop the belief that women can steal men away, or break up homes, or cause men to cheat. We can’t. Men cheat because they want to. Their actions are theirs and theirs alone. The blame for a man cheating was, is, and always will be the man’s fault.