Dear Men, Women don’t want to date you because you just aren’t likable. 

When I wrote my book “Date Like A Woman” it was because I saw a lot of women struggling to have happy dating lives. My focus was only on women, but since I wrote my book I have been thrown into this world of relationships/dating. Let me just say that the relationship/dating world is a wild place. It’s literally full of scammers and ridiculous sexist and misogynistic dating advice but what has really been interesting is the amount of disgruntled singe men who are angry because they just can’t get a date.

You have the Kevin Samuels followers who have been convinced that they are “high value” and it’s really the women who are the “real problem” because they “refuse to take accountability.” And then there’s passport bros who have been convinced that poorer women overseas will like them better because women from poorer countries are more “traditional”. Then there’s  MGTOW crew (men going their own way) who keep saying they are leaving women alone yet they seem to stick around. Single men are being convinced that they are single because women are failing at dating and relationships. 

Well I have decided to change my focus for just a little moment, I am going to give you men some dating advice. 

Men, you are single because you aren’t likable. Take all the time with that you need but no matter what the Manosphere told you, you are the actual problem. 

It’s not feminism, or modern women, it’s you. You possess no redeeming qualities that women find attractive. And before you jump to the “all women are gold diggers” argument, it’s also not because you’re broke it’s because your personality repels women. 

Now I already know you single men are going to run to this blog angry and have a “mantrum” (as BurbNBougie calls it) and call me names but nothing will change for you until you change into a man a woman would like. It is what it is. Stay mad or change, I really don’t care.

Now for those of you who are curious about how to change so women will like you, I have some advice. 

First you must understand that women are not possessions. Women do not belong to men. If you find a woman who is willing to date you, remember she is her own person. She is not “yours”. 

Women are not here to “serve” men. If you want to get married so your wife will do all the household chores, you will be single forever. No woman is going be your servant. 

Women are not inferior to you. Read that as many times as you need to. 

Your insecurities are not a woman’s responsibility. That means if you don’t feel like a man, it’s not a woman’s responsibility to make you feel like a man. And if you are struggling with your self esteem, go get therapy, do not try to get a girlfriend. Women are not self help centers for men.

Women are visual too. So if you look like trash, women will not be interested. Please work on your physical appearance. If you are out of shape, go work out. If your skin is bad, go to a dermatologist. If you have no style, get a styling consultant or talk to a stylish friend. Get a haircut, take care of your nails and teeth, basically look as best as you possibly can. 

Learn how to hold a conversation. No woman is interested in a man who bores her to death. Learn something, READ, go to museums, find interesting information to share. Do not use YouTube as your only source of information. 

If you are broke, you better be creative. You will have to do more planning to stay within your budget to date. That doesn’t mean you can’t date however if you are homeless you need to focus on stabilizing yourself, not dating. 

Which reminds me, if you ask a woman out, you pay for the date. The rule is and will always be, who ever asked for the date, pays for the date. If you ask, you need to pick a place that is within your budget. 

Another point, paying for dates does NOT mean a woman owes you sex. If you want a sexual encounter for money go to a sex worker. Women do not owe you ANYTHING for a date. 

Now, if you think you are a “nice guy” I am here to let you know that you aren’t. I haven’t met one self proclaimed “nice guy” who wasn’t an asshole. For the record, there is no such thing as a nice guy. Pretending to be “nice” so that women will like you never works. Eventually women will see who you really are so best to stop faking being “nice.”

Check your ego. While I understand sexism and patriarchy make men feel more audaciously more confident in many ways, a lot of you aren’t as great as you think you are. Women are used to navigating men every day so we are really good bullshit detectors so check your ego at the door. Men who are full of themselves are some of the most unlikable men of all. 

Lastly, rejection is part of life. You are going to get rejected, a lot. Learn how to deal with your hurt feelings and rejection in a healthy way because it’s going to happen, a lot. Dating is and will always be a numbers game. If one woman doesn’t like you, it’s ok there’s more women to meet. You just have to keep it moving.


Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!

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