Ok, calm down…I don’t actually think men are scared of women…maybe a little…but I have started to notice that men are becoming less likely to approach women in person and more likely to slide into their DMs.

Just last week at a bar I noticed a woman dancing and sending a guy who was obviously attracted to her, (he might as well have been drooling), all the signals that she was interested in him. He just stood there. Seriously, he stood there in silence, watching her dance. It was so pitiful. After about five minutes of watching this lack of initiative, (maybe it was just fear), I told his friends to tell him to offer her a drink. His friends looked baffled but relayed my message which was promptly followed. Immediately the woman accepted the drink invitation and they began chatting.  It was obvious that she was attracted to him because she put her hand on his arm right away. It took such a simple move to start a conversation but there he stood, frozen, until someone told him what to do.

If this situation had been online I am almost 100% positive this guy would have hopped in her DMs immediately but because he was standing there in person he was totally confused, having no idea about what to actually do. I think this happens often because I see these types of interactions all the time when I am out. I also get a lot of DMs online from men I know for a fact would not ever walk up to me in person. The number of messages I receive FAR exceeds the number of men who approach me in person, so something isn’t quite adding up.

It is not just men who exhibit a lack of ability to interact with others outside of the Internet. Even women show a high degree of electronic courage nowadays. They are much more open to talking to men online than they are in person.  Many women even have this strange expectation that a perfect man will just magically show up in their lives…right through their computer screen…

This behavior is more prevalent in younger generations, although there is a growing number of older men sliding into DMs. There appears to be a connection between the younger generations having spent less time being outside playing with their peers as children and not developing the social skills necessary to interact in person, becoming a whole generation of people who have no clue as to how to have a conversation with someone sitting right in front of them.

It is as though people have forgotten how to interact with one another outside of the Internet. I wonder, have people really forgotten how to talk to one another without the use of a device? Is this why so many men make so little effort outside of “liking” a few photos and then sliding into the DMs? Is this also why so many women only date online? Are they just uncomfortable at the prospect of having an in person conversation? Or, is it simply that people really do not just go outside and talk to each other anymore? Is this why dating has become so difficult for so many? Is this the evolution of our culture? Do people really not know how to interact with one another? Have men forgotten how to talk to women in person and are women more comfortable chatting with a man through a screen instead of face-to-face? Often people meet online only to end up on a date staring at their phones instead of talking to each other.

Like I say in my book, Date Like A Woman, “put your phone down.” You cannot connect to someone if you never sit down and talk to them. If you really want to make dating easier you are going to have to actually date, for real, outside, in real life. You are going to have to actually talk to the person in front of you. No device. No screen. Just you and another person…talking. Amazing concept, I know! But, here’s the thing. It actually works!

Seriously, people do actually exist outside of the Internet. The next time, before you write that status about how it’s so hard to date nowadays, just go outside instead.  There are people out there, ones who you can actually date!

~Kai

Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!