The gossip blogs are in a frenzy about Nicole Murphy and Antoine Fuqua who were spotted kissing in Italy. Nicole’s excuse isn’t exactly “believable” given the photos but what really gets to me is how many people are putting down Nicole for being involved. On the other hand I have seen very little agitation for Antoine who broke his marriage commitment.
None of this shocks me. Women are always looked at as the culpable party when cheating is involved.There is an endless list of negative words for women who get involved with married men. Conversely, there are nowhere near as many names for men who cheat on their wives. The truth is it’s the person who cheats on their marriage who is the person breaking their vows. That’s the person who is in the wrong. That’s the person who should be catching heat.
Here is the real question. Are single women truly obligated to respect the vows of someone else’s marriage? They are not a party to the marriage. Yet, women who do become involved with married men are almost always accused of lacking self-respect. Is this behavior therefore indicative of a lack of self-respect in the men who break their vows? On the contrary, men are usually overlooked for any culpability in their own cheating. This phenomenon of blaming women for interfering in marriages is sexism rearing it’s ugly head. Sexism loves to put the blame on the woman and excuse the bad behavior of the man.
Please don’t take this to mean I advocate cheating. I do not. However, I do feel that the culture of making women hold some responsibility in a marriage to which they do not belong is wrong. No third party owes a marriage anything, not even respect. I am sure many people will feel that I am wrong on this but seriously, no person outside of a marriage owes the marriage anything, not even respect. You can choose to respect someone’s marriage but there is no obligation. The only people obligated to respect a marriage are the two people in it.
We have to get out of the habit of making women responsible for men’s bad behavior. It’s sexist. If a man cheats the overwhelming negative response should be about him cheating, not about the woman he is cheating with. She is not the problem. She did not break her vows. He did. A woman cannot “interfere” in a marriage she does not belong to. On top of that she has no obligation to the marriage, respect or otherwise. We have to stop focusing on the behavior of women and place the focus where it should be, on men. We need to hold men accountable for their own behavior.
On another note. Ladies do not waste your time getting involved with married men. A man who would become involved with you while married is not genuinely interested in you and is not worth your time. You can do much better than a married man.
Hopefully, Nicole knows that too.