One of the most recent celebrity sex scandals involves Cleveland Cavaliers’ player Tristan Thompson and a girlfriend, (whose family shall not be named), who was pregnant with his child. Tristan was seen on video with multiple other women while his girlfriend was nine months pregnant. This affair was notable because of previous entanglements; (Tristan had cheated on a former pregnant girlfriend with the woman whose family shall not be named). Basically, this is a story we have seen before, man and woman are involved, woman gets pregnant, man cheats. (remember Kevin Hart’s cheating scandal?) When this happens there is always speculation about why the man cheated. Today I will break it down.

Why do men cheat? Men cheat because they want to. That really is the honest answer. Men (and women) cheat because of their own desires. But, like any behavior there is usually something deeper that causes this desire, so let’s look at the three main reasons men cheat.

Low Self-Esteem

We rarely talk honestly about men’s emotions and self-esteem challenges, however, men also suffer from low self-esteem. Many times men with low self-esteem equate “masculinity” with having a lot of women. The constant stream of women is compensating for their own diminished confidence. “Without women they feel of little value.” – Date Like A Woman. Men with low self-esteem cheat because it makes them feel better about themselves. Dating one woman simply does not represent to a man with low self-esteem that he is “masculine” enough. Having multiple women validates his masculinity. A man who has low self-esteem and cheats, will not be able to stop cheating until he deals with the root cause of his lack of self-worth.

Excitement

People may not want to admit it but cheating is also exciting. The combination of the possibility of getting caught along with actually getting away with the act of cheating can cause a high in some people. The excitement the person feels from cheating is a dopamine, pleasure reward, response. Like any behavior that causes a dopamine response, it can become addictive. Often men are simply addicted to the excitement of cheating. As with any addiction there are deeper causes for the behavior, however, the excitement itself is often why men cheat. They enjoy it.

Compatibility

Often when finding themselves in relationships where they lack compatibility, instead of ending the relationship, men (and women), will seek elsewhere for the connection they are missing, probably a cowardly way to handle incompatibility, but not unusual. There is a lot of societal pressure to stay in incompatible relationships. A coping mechanism for some men is to seek out what they feel they need from someone else.

It is extremely important to remember, however, that ultimately a man is responsible for his own behavior. No matter what, his actions are all his own. A woman cannot stop a man from cheating. Neither can a man stop a woman from cheating. However, understanding why someone may engage in certain behaviors can help you make wise decisions for yourself. If you end up in a dating situation where a man is cheating, remember that his decision to cheat has nothing to do with you. And, you don’t have to tolerate infidelity. It is perfectly ok to walk away.

~Kai

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