When I started this website it was to promote my book. I wanted to give women real world dating advice to from a woman’s perspective. However, since writing my book I have discovered a world of people who simply want to take advantage of women, black women especially, who are vulnerable because of their desires to be married or in a relationship. In the past 4 years I have come across multiple scammers who claim they can “teach” women “how to get married.” They often sell “programs” which charge monthly fees and despite many women in their “programs” never achieving marriage, women continue to be sucked into these scams. The sad part is many of these scams turn out to be cults. They suck women in promising to help them and then tear them down to the point where the women feel they need to be in these “programs.” And if a woman decides she wants out? They tear her down even more.
I never wrote my book or started my website with the intention of becoming a person who exposes cults but sometimes our paths are chosen for us. Since exposing the wife school cult women continuously reach out to me for help in exposing other scammers. I have to point out that because most of the victims of these scams are black women the scammers usually never receive punishment for their actions.
Last year someone reached out to me about Namaste Moore. I did write about her and received multiple responses. However, a couple of weeks ago a young woman named Kirsten reached out to me about sharing her experience with Namaste. The words below are her own. By sharing this I hope to help prevent other women from becoming victims of Namaste’s cult. Maybe it will even give someone the strength to leave. I also want to presonally thank Kirsten for her bravery and I really wish her the best in all of her endeavors.
“Yes, I believe it’s a cult. I was a student of hers for a few years before I realized what was going on. I haven’t been an active student for over a year (some things may have changed), but I was still reading her posts until I was blocked. I feel it’s important to share this information so others can make an informed decision. I have witnessed or experienced ~41 out of 50 things listed in this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spycatcher/201208/dangerous-cult-leaders
I did not see or hear about the following items on the list: 9, 10, 29, 40, 41, 42, 47, 49, and 50, and I’m unsure about a few. Please read the article and consider carefully before joining.
In addition to what was stated in the article, I witnessed the following tactics that are (according to my research and experience) commonly used by cult leaders and narcissists:
1. Being told we need to be “empty” to be teachable; to forget everything we knew before. This is a known indoctrination technique that allows cult leaders to reshape their followers’ personality. In reality, it’s entirely possible to learn new things without forgetting or denouncing everything you knew before.
2. They recommend that their followers avoid listening to or following any outside teachers, lest they get confused.
3. They ask followers address them with honorifics, and seem to prefer being called “Mama and Baba”. This is infantilization, another known tactic of cult leaders and narcissists used to make followers place themselves in a subordinate and dependent position.
4. They claim to be some kind of Divine Emissaries who “hold the codes” to successful relationships. They imply that they have the authority to speak for the Divine, especially about marriage, partnership and relationship. She calls herself a genius, and used to call herself a prophet (not sure if she still does, but that’s a big red flag).
5. Her most loyal followers will defend her against anyone who disagrees with her, pretending to care and be sweet, but perhaps only wanting to shut down the dissonance they are feeling when their leader is questioned.
6. She deletes any comments that disagree with her, and doesn’t allow for discussion, or acknowledge any other valid points of view. She doesn’t feel the need to defend her position through normal debate, because “she has nothing to defend, protect or prove”. She says she allows questions but not “questioning”. You can ask questions but if you coming from a different perspective initially, and are not willing to come around, you’re “questioning”, and no longer welcome. She uses shaming and belittling tactics to discourage students from questioning her or ever disagreeing. “Beloved, you’re in victim.”
7. I saw several responses from students during my time there: a few fought back, a few left quietly, and many fawn over them (seen a bit in the supportive comments here). I suspect (though can’t say for sure) that many are frozen and unsure what to do with the dissonance they are feeling. All of these are trauma responses.
8. She tells her students they should put their own dreams on hold and instead focus on finding a husband to support them entirely. They can resume the pursuit of their dreams when their husband gives them permission to do so. Many of these women are single mothers and may need to focus on careers or building a business in order to feed their families.
9. She uses a lot of new age jargon and word salad that make no real sense (to me at least) to justify her positions.
10. I did bring some of these concerns to her directly on Facebook, and after engaging in some discussion, I was blocked from her FB profile, even though I paid for lifetime access to her programs (this is likely part of the agreement I signed- that’s OK). I’m fine with this- better for my mental health. However, I want to be clear that I did approach her directly, admittedly in a less calm, kind and organized way than I could have. I am still willing to engage in open and direct debate, and in a less reactive state, if she would like to discuss further.
11. She continues to introduce new costly programs, pressuring her students to sign up. Some students are struggling financially already, and she encourages them to borrow money from friends or family, go into debt or find some other way to pay for the programs.
12. She has set up a hierarchy within the group; to get to the top of the hierarchy, you have to attend in person retreats, be thoroughly compliant and submissive to them, have worked through a certain amount of material and spent a certain amount of money. They have specific ways we are to address those at various levels of the hierarchy.
13. She doesn’t believe in “labels”, denies or minimizes the existence of narcissism and other mental illnesses, and discredits science, medical professionals, and therapists in doing so. Diagnosed narcissists may only comprise 1-2% of the population, but most escape diagnosis because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with them, and don’t seek help. In my admittedly non-professional opinion, it’s a rapidly growing problem. And while we have a long way to go in better understanding mental health and destigmatizing these struggles, we do need some way to categorize, treat, and better understand clusters of symptoms, how they affect those afflicted and those who are close to them. This is the function that the labels serve, along with allowing people to make insurance claims to cover their healthcare costs. With regard to Cluster B personality disorders and traits, it is also important to understand how those afflicted can potentially harm those around them. It doesn’t mean those who have these traits are are bad or wrong, just that they have adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms that can and do harm others. In better understanding these disorders, we can both protect ourselves, and encourage those who suffer toward more effective and healthy coping mechanisms by not tolerating or enabling abuse. We can better understand how certain Cluster B types can have the potential to become tyrannical dictators who can gaslight and manipulate large numbers of people into acting against their own best interest, and supporting cruelty and hatred. I have several Cluster B traits myself, and I have definitely been guilty of using unhealthy coping skills learned in childhood, harming others in the process. I’m working to learn how to replace these defenses with more effective coping skills. I’ll be working with trained professionals going forward.
14. Claims anger is “unfeminine” and encourages students to pout childishly when they are upset (less threatening to men), rather than expressing their often valid anger in mature way, like the grown women they are. Anger is a natural human emotion that both men and women experience, and it alerts us when our boundaries are being violated.
15. She has asked her students to sign up for MLM businesses underneath her.
16. Tells her followers they are special, unique, of a higher caliber than others.
17. She saw me as a mark and actively recruited me at an emotionally vulnerable time in my life.
Aside from the issues listed above, it’s important to note that you will be indoctrinated with the following beliefs if you follow/work with them. You may or may not agree with them, and my position is also shared.
She and Richard don’t like feminism at all and instead support Men’s Rights Activism, which in many group discussions I saw, promotes misogyny, violence against women, and zero accountability or responsibility from men. Both men and women are responsible for their actions, and to blame men’s bad behavior on feminism is not helpful for men’s maturity or accountability. Women can certainly be abusive as well, but that’s not feminism, and we as women are also responsible for our actions. Also, the valid concerns expressed in both movements can be addressed simultaneously. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, it really can be “yes, and”.
They claim that patriarchal hierarchies are the natural order of things, ignoring the more egalitarian (and arguably more successful, at least in regard to sustaining a healthy planet) way that hunters and gatherers lived for thousands of years prior to the development of agriculture. In history, the more deeply stratified and hierarchical a society became, the more prone they became to collapse. There is also a correlation between hierarchical stratification and increased prevalence and rates of human sacrifice. Egalitarian societies, in comparison, are more stable, and arguably less violent. (And no, I’m not advocating for communism here; authoritarianism is bad news, no matter if coming from the right or the left.) I’m saying that we are not playing a zero-sum game here; there does not need to be clear winners and losers in all facets of life. It is possible to cooperate and build a better future for ourselves while still protecting our freedom and rights. More rights and consideration for some does not mean there must be less for others. The sharing of resources is different matter, but it’s hard to defend one people or nation being deserving of consuming more than an equitable share of what is available. Arguments like “survival of the fittest”/ social Darwinism don’t really hold a lot of water in a species that depends on cooperation for survival.
They are (or were?) avid Trump supporters, claiming to believe in “love over everything” and family first. For me, this is not congruent with severely traumatizing children by separating them from their family for political motives, or supporting a dangerously apathetic and narcissistic man like Trump (a White Supremacist cult leader himself). Anyone who uses innocent children as political pawns in this way can’t claim to support families and love and expect to be taken seriously by anyone who can think critically and whose ability to empathize is still intact. There is NO excuse for that kind of child abuse.
They see empathy as a hindrance, when in fact, it’s essential for our survival. We have mirror neurons in our brain whose sole purpose is to ensure empathy; absolutely necessary for survival in a species that relies on reciprocal altruism to maintain social cohesion. We are not a solitary species, and cooperation is required. Empathy makes for better cooperation. If it’s uncomfortable when you empathize, it means that there is suffering within the community that needs to be addressed. It doesn’t mean you should stop empathizing to avoid the discomfort. That’s dangerous to our entire species, and to every other living thing that shares the earth with us.
They do not support BLM or other social justice movements, believing them to keep black people “stuck in victimhood”. She says the same about feminism. Certainly some people get stuck there, but it’s my belief that in order for one to get out of victimhood, they have to stop being actively victimized. This hasn’t happened yet for women or BIPOC, as clearly evidenced by the different policing tactics used on whites (obvious when comparing the recent storming of the Capitol vs. BLM marches), and the extremely low ARREST (not conviction) rate-18%- of accused rapists. Those are just the tip of the iceberg; this land is not yet a land of liberty and justice for all, which is why these movements exist. Also, advocating for social or environmental justice doesn’t mean you are in victimhood or can’t enjoy your life; it can mean you find joy and purpose in helping to make the world a kinder, safer place for everyone.
I feel much better having left, and I hope others who are still involved can do the same one day if they choose. Enough with the narcissistic personality cults already. The same material could be taught ethically without the cult tactics. I’m speaking out because in my experience, they are indeed very dangerous and can and do create serious problems in our society.
I suspect (though don’t know, something I found in my research) that many of her students are victims of narcissistic abuse, child abuse, or traumatized in other ways, and thus susceptible to this kind of manipulation. There are other ways to heal, appreciate your femininity and find love (or not, that’s OK too- you don’t have to be married to have value, actualize your dreams, or be happy). There is really no need to give your unwavering devotion and hard earned cash to teachers who appear to be exploiting others. If you are a member and want to get out, there is info online to help, and I wish you success in finding yourself again. You definitely can.
And finally, I’m in no mood for retaliation, but I am prepared for it. I have too much experience dealing with these types already, unfortunately. Any retaliation will only be further confirmation, as this is also common practice in cults. I will not take any threats or intimidation efforts lightly, and have notified others about what I’m doing and who is involved. If anyone feels I’ve misstated the facts, or wishes to debate or challenge my views directly, I’m willing to have those discussions publicly and correct my statement if I’m convinced I’m in the wrong. I can also share my sources if you would like to do more independent research.
This is my perspective and experience; there are others represented here, and you can watch some of her videos before committing and decide for yourself. They did teach me some things that were helpful and useful in my life, but it was not worth being required to change who I was, and give someone else authority over my life and beliefs.
I applaud Kai’s courage in highlighting this issue, and advocating for black women and all women in a real way.”