I am not sure why people make “dating” so complicated, but again I am seeing debates discussing the topic, “What is a date?” Listening to people talk about what they expected on a date and how very often they were disappointed because they didn’t get what they were expecting was one of the primary reasons for writing my book. It’s natural, of course, that people have all sorts of ideas about what a date should be. Everyone is different so it should be no surprise that there are many different ideas of what a date is. However, these varying opinions about what a date actually is, are the very reasons why people have problems dating and are often disappointed with their dating experiences.
Let me be clear, “Dating is taking time to get to know someone. That’s it.” – Date Like A Woman. A date is taking the time to get to know someone. That’s really all. The activity during the date is irrelevant. The cost of the date is irrelevant. The location of the date is irrelevant. The point of the date is to get to know the person you are on the date with.
When you add in the activities, costs, location, etc., you are only adding enhancements to the date, not necessities. You do not need to go to dinner for it to be a date. Going for coffee is still a date as long as you are getting to know one another. You do not need to spend a certain amount of money. A $20.00 date is just as good as a $200.00 date as long as you are getting to know one another.
I have a friend who would vehemently disagree with me, (you know who you are), because he believes that a date is a planned event requiring effort on the part of the man, to do an activity that the woman should like, and that exposes the woman to “something new or experiential.” This, of course, sounds very nice. However, whenever he speaks about what a date should be he never mentions the most important part of the date…getting to know the woman. He is so focused on making a good impression and showing his efforts, and how good of a man he is, that he completely misses the important exchange between two people. I am not saying that planning a date a woman would like is not a nice gesture. I am saying that all of that has no relevance if you do not actually get to know the woman.
A date is not about impressing a woman. A date is about getting to know her. Remember, “[d]ating is taking time to get to know someone.” – Date Like A Woman. If you never actually get to know the person you are on a date with you are wasting time. Putting all this pressure on yourself or having major expectations for what a date should be is why people make dating so complicated.
“Dating is a skill.” Date Like A Woman. Dating is not complicated. It’s all about being open and taking time to learn about another person. If you do that you will see that dating can be fun and enjoyable, not burdensome and difficult.
Do yourself a favor. Stop making something so simple so complicated. Just date. Have fewer expectations and more fun!
~Kai
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