If you are having a hard time dating make sure you are not making one of these BIG mistakes!

1. You are not ready to date.

Sometimes you simply are not ready to date. Maybe you have set some goals for yourself. Maybe you just ended a marriage. Maybe you just moved to a new place. Maybe you are taking care of family. No matter what is going on in your life you sometimes are not ready or do not want to date. One of the worst mistakes you can make is feeling pressured to date anyway. Often we are led to believe that if we are single there is something wrong with us. Friends, family, and even acquaintances will often put a lot of pressure on us to get out there and find someone. Listen, it’s ok to be single. It is also perfectly ok not to date until you are ready. If you are not ready to date, don’t. If you just broke up, take some time to be alone. If you faced a recent tragedy or hard time, take the time to heal. If you just started a new job or school and want to focus on that, focus on that. If you simply want to be by yourself for a while, take the time to be by yourself. What you should never do is jump into dating when you are not ready. Dating will always be there. Give yourself as much time as you need. There is no rush.

2. You date with a fear of rejection.

People say they want to date, but because of their fear of rejection, their attempts at dating are often feeble and do not actually include going anywhere or doing anything whereby they can meet someone. People who are scared to face rejection will often sit behind a computer screen and whine about how hard it is to date. Or, they may just message, never taking the next step of meeting in person. Even if they meet someone, their fear will often prevent them from truly opening up and getting to know the person. Here’s the thing, if you aren’t going to get out there, face your fears and meet someone new, and get to know them, you don’t really want to date. To have a great dating life you have to risk getting rejected. “Everyone gets rejected” – Date Like A Woman. If you want to date you have to get over your fear of rejection by going out. The risk just cannot be avoided. So what if you get rejected. Just because it doesn’t work with one person does not mean it won’t work with another. Plus, the quicker you learn to deal with rejection the better you will become at moving past it.

3. You date for preferences and not for compatibility.

Also known as “husband/wife shopping” or “dating with a purpose,” you have a list of preferences for the person you would like to be in a relationship with, but you have no idea who will be compatible with you. Good relationships require compatibility. To be clear, dating and relationships are not the same thing.  People date for preferences all the time, believing that someone who meets their preferences, also known as a checklist, will be the perfect relationship. The problem is preferences are no guarantee of a true connection. Relationships require a connection. People very often reject someone before getting to know them because they don’t meet their preferences. Doing this can ruin your chances of meeting someone who is compatible with you. Remember, if you meet someone who has a lot in common with you, you will definitely have a better time. In meeting someone who is compatible with you, and spending the time to get to know them, you may find someone who may actually want to be in a relationship with you, if a relationship is what you really want. So, instead of looking for your checklist when you meet someone, talk to them instead. Find out how much you really have in common.

4. You have random arbitrary rules/tests that no one knows about but you.

People are not mind readers. So, if you have some random rule that someone else must follow to date you and they have no idea what it is then no one will ever be able to pass your rules/test. For example, if you have a rule such as they have to call you within two days of meeting you to invite you on a date and you rejected them because they called in three days instead of two, you are making a huge dating mistake. It’s a mistake because the other person has no idea that your rule even exists. It is an unrealistic expectation to think that they should. No one could ever pass your test, therefore you are setting yourself up to fail at dating. “It is very important when dating to effectively manage your expectations.” – Date Like A Woman. Managing expectations is critical to having a good dating life. If you do not have reasonable expectations you will never have a good dating life. So, let go of the random rules.

~Kai

Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!