Increasing numbers of men are expressing highly vocal views, weighing in on women becoming more aggressive about asking men out. There seems to be some agreement that if women want things to be “equal” in our society then women should make the first move. I have written about making the first move and agree that taking the initiative to let a man know you are receptive to his advances is a great way to show your interest. However, I maintain that allowing the man to ask you out is the best way to gauge his genuine interest.
There are those who are taking women showing initiative a step further, suggesting that women should also propose marriage to men. Several people have contacted me asking my opinion of this. To be honest, I support a woman’s right to do whatever she wants to do; that is what feminism is truly about. But, in this situation, at this stage in our society, I believe that women proposing to men is not the best idea. Why? Many men still see women in “traditional” roles. A woman proposing would suggest to them on a subconscious level that they are not in a “manly” position. It remains a fact that, no matter where a woman may be in her personal independence from societal expectations, her personal independence and beliefs do not necessarily encompass the men she interacts with.
Besides that, I am in agreement with this article in The Atlantic entitled, “Marriage Proposals Are Stupid.” “Several recent studies show that men, particularly young men, feel intense pressure to hide how they’re feeling. According to Judy Chu, a sociologist at Stanford who studies gender, young men today are so fixated on ‘being a man’ that they ‘end up missing…what they each really want, which is just that closeness.’ A proposal is an occasion when it’s socially acceptable, even encouraged, for men to be emotional—to lay it all on the line, and show their partner how much she means to them.”
While our society continues to evolve towards gender equality, we are still in an era where men are neither freely able to express themselves emotionally, nor able to clearly distinguish which behaviors best coincide with what it means to be a man. A marriage proposal is one of those behaviors that most men still want to maintain control over.
While one day I think marriage proposals will come equally from men and women, we aren’t quite there yet.
~Kai
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