Recently, on Twitter, a man posted his reasons for marrying his fiancee which prompted a backlash about women “raising a man” to be the man they would like to marry. His tweets are quoted below:
“I wanna share 10 things about this woman before we wed this weekend;
1. When I met her I had no place to stay. I was sleeping on a couch at a friend’s house. And she knew.
2. I found a place later on, and she helped paying my rent for months
3. She got me my first car ever.
4. My laptop got damaged and I needed it so much at the time so I could work on my things in order to earn something. She gave me hers.
5. She covered most costs for our dates for a year.
6. She invested in our first two businesses together. And opted for me to run them full time
7. I never met her mom until when I brought my family to meet hers
8. She celebrated and congratulated me for any penny I made at the time, even when it was as little as $10
9. She supported everything I was trying to do to make ends meet. Whether it earned us money or not.
10. Though I’m very stable and all that now, I know she doesn’t really care about those things. She cares about me solely. I know she’d give me anything in the world if she had to,coz she has proved it over and over again
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the kinda woman I’m marrying”
Many replied stating they felt embarrassed for his bride to be. I have to agree, this “raising a man” idea is terrible. While I agree with partnership and helping your partner when they are in need, this is pretty ridiculous. So I present to you 10 reasons why you should NOT be raising a man:
1. You are not his mother.
It’s pretty obvious from this man’s tweets that the woman he is marrying stepped into a parental role with him. But, when you are dating you should not be dating someone you have to bring into adulthood. His parents should do that.
2. You are not a bank.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok to occasionally help friends if you can financially manage it but this woman basically became a bank for this guy. You are not a bank, getting married is not a “return on an investment.”
3. You are not a homeless shelter.
Listen, a man (or woman) should be able to take care of his basic needs BEFORE he starts dating. If he can’t that is a MAJOR red flag.
4. You are not a therapist.
Even if you are a professional therapist it is not your job to “fix” the emotional and mental turmoils of the man you date. If a man is emotionally broken, avoid him.
5. Spending money on someone doesn’t mean you love them more.
Let’s be clear, money is not love and it never will be. Just because you spend money on someone doesn’t mean you love them more.
6. You don’t have to prove your love to someone by fixing all of their problems.
If a man expects you to prove your love to him by financially supporting him, he doesn’t love you.
7. You are not responsible for his self-esteem.
It is called self-esteem for a reason. You are not responsible for how someone else feels about themselves. If their self-esteem is low you can’t fix it, only they can.
8. You are important.
Sacrificing yourself for a man is one of the most tragic things a woman do. You are important and you should always be your first priority. Never cause detriment to yourself just to have a man.
9. You are smarter than that.
Seriously, be smarter than this woman. You have so much more to offer the world than raising a man to be your husband.
10. You deserve to be with a partner who is your equal.
Listen to Michelle Obama, “Marry your equal.” If you have to raise him first, he is not your equal.