I was married for almost 20 years. We separated after 16; the divorce is final now. I have been told since I started dating that I make men feel not needed. My ex-husband was in the military so I know how to handle what needs to be done or find someone to do it. I’m not good at playing helpless or waiting. I take care of the issue and then I may say something. The men feel I should come to them first.
Tamara
Hi Tamara,
First, you should be very proud of yourself for being able to handle a multitude of issues without help. That is something a lot of people wish they could do, men and women. Second, know that being able to take care of yourself and issues is not a bad thing. It is an asset. A man who is compatible with you would actually appreciate it.
But, let’s get to the part about being married for almost 20 years and then divorcing. You have been through a very long relationship. Honestly it’s very difficult to move on after being with someone for so long. Hopefully, you have given yourself time to fully heal. As I stated in my blog, Dating After Divorce, “Divorce (or breaking up from a long-term relationship), is one of the most painful experiences one can go through. Some say it feels a lot like someone dying. It is deeply painful. It also requires time to heal from.” This is the time you should really focus on what makes you happy; this is the time to really love being you.
Now, if you are truly healed and do feel ready to date again, then dating any man who feels that your ability to handle your business is a problem should be a big red flag for you. Any man who needs you to be “dependent” and “needy” so that they feel more like a “man” is not really a man at all. Any man who does this is trying to manipulate you. Stay away from men like that.
You should only date men who see your independence as an asset, because it is. You should date men who will offer help when they see you need it but will not become upset because you can handle issues on your own. Those are the men you should focus your energy on. Those are the type of men who are good for you and those are the type of men you should look for.
Plus, I am SURE there are plenty of men who would LOVE to date a woman like you!
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
