A recent Twitter interaction reminded me of how women have been conditioned to be the emotional support for men. This premise is deeply imbedded in our culture. Multiple idioms reinforce this idea, e.g., “Stand by your man,’ ‘A good woman supports her man,’ ‘Hold him down,’ ‘Always be his peace…”‘ This pressure for women to comfort men has created a “norm” whereby women will overlook the emotional instability of a man while constantly trying to “fix” the men they date. Ladies, please stop doing this.
Let me be clear. I am not suggesting that women, while in a relationship, should not support their mates in times of stress. I am saying that while dating, in other words not in a relationship, women should not date men who are in need of emotional support. Here’s why. You are setting yourself up for a one-sided relationship where you will become an emotional crutch for someone else. This can become damaging to you in the long term. These men cannot emotionally support themselves. If you end up in a relationship with them you will never receive the support you need. That is an unhealthy relationship.
As you navigate the dating universe only take seriously men who are not in some kind of emotional turmoil. Leave those men alone who need constant reassurance for their egos, the ones who are going through stresses, the men who show visible signs of emotional damage from past relationships. Do not get into a relationship with these men. You can’t fix them. You can only fix yourself.
Put yourself in the best position possible, date emotionally whole men, happy men, men who will like to have your emotional support but do not need your emotional support. Your support is a bonus. And, yes those happy emotionally whole men do exist. I promise!
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
