Can a man be in a healthy marriage and have a side-piece at the same time?
Nope
Dear Nope,
Most would probably answer this question immediately with a resounding “No!” However, I have to say that it depends on what you believe is a “healthy” marriage. Truth is, married men having mistresses is nothing new. In fact, for many, especially men of means, having a mistress is the norm. Many marriages operate just fine under these circumstances. Would I classify that as healthy? Probably not. Functional is likely a better description.
We live in a society that upholds the belief that monogamy is the norm. Many cultures did not start off that way, including our own. Monogamy is a fairly new cultural norm and one that we hold fiercely to. Yet, even with this “belief” we still see infidelity almost daily in marriages, which is why there are many men who still have mistresses. Some men are able to maintain having a wife and a mistress; in some of these marriages the wife is quite aware of the mistress.
Some would argue that these situations are wrong. I would say that if all parties are aware and consenting, then it is really not my place to judge whether it’s “right” or not. It could possibly be the best arrangement for those involved. If, however, one or more of the parties involved are not aware and consenting, then it’s highly unlikely that it is either “healthy” or “functional.” It is still infidelity. It is also deceitful which is never healthy for a relationship.
While no one can stop anyone from cheating, the cheater is most likely seeking something that they are not receiving from their relationship. I would recommend that before choosing the option of a mistress (assuming you are married of course!), that you talk to your wife about your needs and desires so that you don’t have to have a “functional” open marriage, but a healthy one.
~Kai
