Dear Kai,
Men don’t like me. I’m ugly. I’m not skinny. Men never look at me. I wish I had a boyfriend but men only like women who look like Instagram models and I will never look like that. I’m hopeless and undateable. What can I do?
(Anonymous)
Dear Anonymous,
As I say in my book, “[B]eing attractive is not just a physical thing. Attractiveness has to do with everything about you from your personality, your attitude, your outlook on life, to your physical features.” While you may believe that men are only attracted to your physical appearance, that isn’t true. Yes, physical appearance is part of it but not all of it. Men find women of all types attractive, not just one physical type. While our society has often pushed one type of beauty standard, which is changing fast, it is not a realistic one. Men love all types of women and always have.
It seems that your biggest issue is what you think about yourself. Your self-esteem is not where it should be. You think you are ugly. That is what you are projecting to the world. It is an awful place to be mentally. Think about it. If you think that you are ugly there is no way you can be projecting an image of a confident, attractive woman.
One of the worst things we have all started to do in this age of social media is compare ourselves to others. It is so easy to look at pictures online and feel that your life is less than those you see. Never compare yourself to other women; be confident in who you are. We live in an era where the things that we see online in photos can seem “perfect.” Most people are completely unaware that that “perfection” is actually the result of face filters and photoshopping. You are looking at something that is not real, but you are. Instead of focusing on Instagram models and believing that is the only thing that men want, turn that focus onto yourself and find something you love about you.
You see, “Confidence makes you more attractive.” And, you can never be confident if you don’t like yourself. Work on you first. Start with loving yourself before you think about dating.
If you do not already have a counselor I recommend you get one. “The truth is you will never be happy dating if you are not already happy with yourself.” The men will still be there when you are ready!
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And buy the best dating book for women Date Like A Woman!
