“Why is it so hard to escape what you despise the most in relationships? Have you ever noticed this?”
(Anonymous)
Dear Anonymous,
Without knowing exactly what you mean by “despise the most in relationships” I’m going to take a guess and assume you are asking why do we tend to date the same types of men over and over, knowing that they are not good for us.
We are all creatures of habit. We tend to gravitate to that which we are most familiar. Unfortunately, that can also mean dating dishonest, manipulative, or abusive types of men, simply because that is what many of us have become most familiar with, often because those were the types of relationships we were exposed to as children. The kind of relationship you saw as a child greatly impacts you as an adult, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. That is where we all learn about dating, relationships, and love. If we received bad lessons, well, that is what we take into adulthood.
Beyond just what we are exposed to as children, and another thing women do that allows these bad relationships to continue is, women tend to ignore the red flags that are present when they first start dating a man. The red flags are ignored, because they “like” him. In Date Like a Woman, I state, “Listen, red flags are red flags for a reason. They are there to warn us to stop and reverse course. If you see a red flag, or anything that makes you uncomfortable, stop dating him! You will save yourself a lot of problems later on. Most of the problems women have in dating stem from ignoring the red flags we see in the beginning.”
Date Like A Woman
There is a strong possibility that you are having a hard time escaping what you despise the most because, that is what you are familiar with, and you are not dumping them when you see the red flags. If you truly want to escape, you are going to have to change your dating habits. Figure out what is similar among all of the men you have dated. Keep those negative traits in mind so that the next time you meet a new guy, if he has any of those negative traits, you can pass on him. Also, if a guy does make it past the first couple of dates but a red flag shows up, (get my book to see the whole red flags list!) drop him like the bad habit he is!
~Kai
