Hi Kai,
I have dated every type of man possible (thug that’s broke, professional man barely making ends meet, professional athlete taking me anywhere I want to go, middle class BM wining and dining me), but I am not finding someone that is smart, logical, a leader and has good communication. I often think of settling, but I know I won’t be happy. I’m feeling hopeless (I’ll be 35 this year and never married). The closest thing I had was the pro athlete who was truly my best friend, but ended up lying and cheating and didn’t love me like I loved him. What advice can you give me about dating in this day and age?
Nicole
Hi Nicole,
First, I am going to tell you to read my book. It’s going to be eye opening and helpful for you. There is a lot of great advice in it for dating in this day and age.
Now, without knowing your full story, I sense that you are beating yourself up about never being married and turning 35. Women are under a tremendous amount of pressure in this society to get married and have children by a certain age. As I say in my book, I know society teaches us that something is wrong with a woman if she is single. That is simply not true. Being single is not a disease or debilitation. Being single is just fine. I know the world looks at single women, especially if she is over thirty and has no kids, as some sort of plague that has hit the earth, but there are plenty of happy, single women in this world. – Date Like A Woman
Look at what is currently happening with the Ciara, #LevelUp/John Gray “Spirit of Girlfriend” situation. No one ever makes sermons or posts telling men how they need to #LevelUp or stop being in the “Spirit of Boyfriend” in order to get married. The focus is, and has always been, on marriage for women. When women do not achieve this goal of being married, with children, by a certain age, they are often looked at as somehow lacking, or broken, or unworthy of marriage. Often women start beating up on themselves because of this. Do not beat yourself up!
Nicole, take a moment. Instead of finding fault with yourself for not having a marriage, look at what you have accomplished. Even in this #AskKai email you sent me, so much of your great qualities come shining through. Please note that you did not settle for a broke thug or a cheating athlete. Clearly you value and respect yourself enough to decide not to accept someone who would not appreciate all of who you are. That is an accomplishment. That means you are not afraid to let go of men who are not good for you. Unfortunately, many women cannot do that. Keep that high level of confidence and keep going!
Now, as far as dating a man who is “smart, logical, a leader and has good communication [skills],” it sounds like you probably need to try a different dating circle/league, (I talk all about dating circles/leagues in my book!). To meet that type of man, my first suggestion would be to expand your purview. Think of academic circles, college and university environments. These seem to be a good fit for you.
~Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
