Kai,
Met a dude… he just broke up with this girlfriend of 2 years off and on. I met him the day before he broke up. Since then we have literally been speaking day and night. He seems awesome; so far no real triggers except that he literally just broke up. I try not to dig too much into liking him, BUT, so far he’s fucking amazing. I’m still dating others but this one has my attention. I also realize that coming from a relationship he’s pretty much trained on what to do, so that makes things really nerve-racking because I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Ahhh…the rebound guy…one of the trickiest of dating situations. And, he’s a fresh rebound too. My initial thoughts are “proceed with caution.” Many people after a break up immediately attach themselves to someone new to help wean themselves off of the past relationship. Immediately dating someone after breaking up can help with the healing process even though it isn’t always the best decision because the other person can get hurt. Usually when people do this it gives the person from the breakup someone else to focus on, so that they don’t dwell on the past relationship, not truly fair to the person they date but it happens.
As far as whether this will turn into something real for you, you will have to wait it out. If it has been less than four months you are probably still seeing his “representative,” a representative that is attached to you because he needs you to help him heal. Let me be clear, it is not that I believe his feelings for you are not true, they quite possibly are, it’s that healing from a breakup takes time. He may be connecting to you to help him through his pain and once he is fully healed his feelings could change. Attachments are sometimes not love even if the feelings are genuine. Remember, “love is selfless,” – Date Like A Woman. He may become very fond of you. Only time will predict whether that fondness was love or just gratefulness for you being his friend while he was in need.
Now, after saying all of this you are probably still wondering what you should do. Just remember the “love is selfless” thing. If you feel that you are truly loving him then you won’t stop because of my opinion. Your love will continue no matter what I say. Even if down the line it becomes clear that he does not want to make this a serious relationship with you, your real love with be ok with letting him go. That’s how real love works. Yes, it will painful. The interesting thing, though, about people who truly love selflessly is that they don’t become bitter or angry. They move throughout life still willing to love. If this is your case, you will be fine.
On the other hand, if you feel very possessive and not selfless about him, but more like you do not want to live without this person, you are probably dealing with an unhealthy attachment. Eventually it won’t work out anyway. Really search yourself inside to understand how you are feeling about this person. Is it real love? Or, is it possession?
Once you figure that out, you will understand exactly what you need to do. In the meantime, until the “representative” goes away or this guy wants to make things official, keep dating the other guys. Keep your options open! #DateLikeAWoman
Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
