This article was sent to me this morning: “Men Only Want Sex and Their Freedom.” The author’s basic premise is that women should just give men sex and don’t bother them if you want a successful relationship. The article was written by a woman, a woman who doesn’t want you to use your “Relationship-Killing-Feminist-Perspective about men.”
As to the first part of her argument regarding sex, yes, sex is highly important when it comes to relationships. In fact, if you are in a relationship and you are not having sex, chances are your relationship is in danger. Sex is a huge part of intimacy. Sex can help people connect to one another. Married couples with healthy sex lives are happier and less likely to divorce. Sex/intimacy is essential to a healthy relationship. I will not disagree that men need sex in a relationship, however, I must point out that women need sex in relationships too.
The second part of her argument is that women should give men their freedom and space. It is clear from her words that she holds an anti-feminist perspective. She states, “Never discuss important issues with him right after work or late at night.” While I believe there is a time and place to have important discussions I am not sure she clearly articulated what giving men their “freedom and space” really is. Personally, I don’t like discussing anything after work especially if I had a hard day so I can understand anyone feeling this way, even men. I don’t see that as “freedom” but more like being considerate of someone’s mood.
What really bothers me about this article is that the author has painted men as very one dimensional. Her thoughts about men are described using a very sexist rhetoric. She states, “A man’s emotions are directly connected to his cock.” And, “Men feel loved when their cock gets wet.” Sadly, this is how sexism hurts men too. If I were a man, I would be offended. She has reduced men relating to anything emotionally as possible only through their penises, basically stating that men can be controlled by their penises, because that is how men feel love.
If you know anything about men, you know that sex with a man does not always equate to love. And, while some men can be manipulated through sex, men can’t be controlled by sex. I know that men have way more depth than this. This attitude that men are just penises walking around and not actual people is damaging to men. Sure, men like sex, but they are still people who do other things than just have sex or want sex all the time. All of men’s emotions are not connected to their penises.
The author seems to be making an attack on women by telling them that they don’t know anything about men but all the while insulting men. Any woman who has been in a long-term relationship with a man knows that men require more than just sex and freedom. Men want someone to believe in them and their aspirations, someone to emotionally support them, someone to be their teammate, someone to be there when things get hard. Men are very capable of love and other emotions and those feelings are not just connected to their penises. Basically, men want love and companionship too, and not just sex.
Relationships are way more than just having a warm body around for sex. If it were as simple as “just give a man sex and you will get a relationship,” I am pretty sure every woman who ever wanted a relationship would be in one…because sex is pretty easy to get…
~Kai
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Only a Feminist would judge an entire book by one chapter. You completely missed the point of the article.
You say “Feminist” as though being a feminist is a bad thing.
“Men Only Want Sex and Their Freedom.”
Coming from the advertising and branding industry the title of the article works well to sell many books from scorn women who’ve chosen the wrong man and refuse to see it any other way. For me, this article only points out the dysfunction of the person who keeps choosing these types of men and branding all men with the same stroke. I will be the first to say that I know some guys like this and they don’t hide it from the women who go after them. The crazy thing is that those women believe that they can change them. Then when they find out that it did work out the way that they wanted then they blame all men for their poor choice. Now for men like me, these same women run from because they prejudge us and thank that we are boring because we don’t behave the way that the title speaks of.
“Men feel loved when their cock gets wet”
I am sorry that the person who wrote this feels this way for me, my penis doesn’t control me. There have been many times when I could’ve had sex and I chose not to. Because I was with someone at the time or the person who was trying to seduce me wasn’t my type. Now I LOVE SEX and I enjoy pleasing the woman that I am with. That gets me off more than myself. I love a woman that is intelligent, I like to have stimulating conversations. Conversations were we both grow together. The more that I am into her the more I want to be around her. If a woman is STUPID FINE but she can’t have a stimulating conversation then it’s not going to work out.
Coming Home Conversation
Men don’t mind the woman that they love to talk to them, it’s the nagging that we can do without.
My last girlfriend wanted everything to be her way. when I got home she would nag the heck out of me. She once broke my brand new Apple computer that I only had for four days and cost me four thousand dollars because she wanted my attention and I just want five minutes to check my email. She thought that I was cheating and I wanted to see if my boss had sent me an email on the project that we were working on. She also thought acting aggressively as she believed a man does would get her way. She didn’t understand that men only respond to that type of behavior as they would to a man, aggressive. The power that women have over men is their femininity. Now, this has upsets many black feminists that I’ve told because they think it demeans them. Men are programmed to react to certain tones and actions. This programming comes from boys interacting with other little boys while growing up. If you but a group of little boys in a room and they didn’t know you were there, you’d find out who was the alfa and who were the followers. If you have two alfas then they will fight for dominance. So, when a woman comes at a man who is an alfa the same way she triggers the response that a man would get which is aggression. Now I am not talking about violence, even though that’s how some men do react. I am talking about a defensive reaction. For me, I tune you out because you won’t run me like that. For example, a different girlfriend that I had we had a conversation about finances. She said to me that whoever controlled the finances controlled the relationship. I asked her where did she get that information. She told me that her mother controlled the checkbook and that she controlled the relationship between her parents. I looked at her in disbelief and after I gathered myself I told her that her father loved her mother enough to allow her to do that. If he thought that her mother would use it as leverage he would say something. She didn’t listen. When I went to visit them in South Carolina I saw it just as I stated. Her mother was pushing and went too far and her father snapped at her and her mother stopped. There have been wars fought because a woman used her feminity to make her man do what she wanted. I’ve spoken with many older women and they say the same thing. If I had a little girl I would tell her that men are easy to understand and you have two types of men. Those that think with there penises and those that don’t. Find a man that worships the ground that you walk on and you will have no problems. But don’t take him for granted or you’ll end up losing him. Unfortunately, this is a lesson that my mom learned too late.
In closing, this is a good quote to follow.
“Men want someone to believe in them and their aspirations, someone to emotionally support them, someone to be their teammate, someone to be there when things get hard. Men are very capable of love and other emotions and those feelings are not just connected to their penises. Basically, men want love and companionship too, and not just sex.”