As many of you know, I have been a fan of Issa Rae since the The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl web series. I am also a big fan of her HBO series Insecure. However, last week’s episode had me cringing every moment. It’s because the main character, Issa, was making mistakes many women make in their dating lives.
1. She is giving men too much power.
The main issue is that Issa gives men too much power. Too much of her life revolves around who she dates and not enough around who she is as a person. She is constantly looking for love. Many women do this, outwardly searching for validation that should come from within. A man won’t complete you. You must be a whole person on your own to have a wonderful dating life.
2. She is taking rejection personally.
I get it. Rejection hurts. However, as I say in my book Date Like A Woman “Everyone gets rejected.” You have to accept rejection as a part of life and look at it as a way to motivate you, not defeat you. If every rejection you get sets you back you will never have a happy dating life. Stop taking it personally.
3. She doesn’t know what she wants.
Issa’s “hoetation” isn’t clear even to her. She doesn’t know whether or not she wants to be single and date or go back to her ex. She is not even clear about what she wants out of dating, whether that is dating multiple men for fun, or being with one man. She has no idea. She’s just out there, unfocused and confused, yet, she is not open to finding out either. This is a mistake a lot of women (and men) make. If you don’t know what you want, you have to be open to all possibilities and give yourself a chance to explore them. In this episode, for example, when the new guy wanted to go to dinner, she should have explored that possibility with him instead of letting the rejection of her sexual advances override her decision.
4. She isn’t comfortable with her sexuality.
This is one of the biggest issues and also why I dedicated a whole chapter in my book to sex. You cannot have a happy dating life if you are not comfortable in your sexuality…all aspects. Pushing yourself to do something that you are not comfortable with will always lead to disastrous results, which can lead to even more damage to your self esteem.
~ Kai
I agree with what your saying. Just one thing I have somewhat of a difference of opinion. The “hotation” where you mention she didn’t know what she wants. I think she “threw” herself out there to do things she’s never done because she thinks it will help her get over her ex. Many women think that by sleeping with others it will help them forget or fall out of love just enough to stop the pain of losing someone. Personally I think she knows she wants to be back in a relationship with her ex but knows that her ex will most likely not forgive her so she’s trying “desperately and unsuccessfully” to move on.