Now, before you get too upset, hear me out. No one “needs” anyone in a relationship to survive, except for babies and children who need their parents. So, just like a woman doesn’t “need” a man to survive, so a man doesn’t “need” a woman to survive. It is just a fact. However, what has changed over the years is women’s dependence on men for economic survival. Up to this point in our society women were much more dependent on men financially. Even now the pay wage gap still favors men, however, women are in much better financial positions and growing numbers are no longer dependent on a man to provide for them financially.
This financial independence has contributed to a decline in marriage rates as more women are marrying later in life. Women are no longer seeking out relationships based on financial necessity but rather on desire. Women do still desire to have male partnership. What has not changed is men’s emotional dependency on women. Sexism and patriarchy have set men up to become emotionally dependent on romantic partners since men are not encouraged to form emotional bonds within platonic relationships the way women are. Women on the other hand get the majority of their emotional support from other women, not from a romantic partner. The emotional dependency on a romantic partner is just not there.
This lack of dependency on men for emotional support as well as for financial support is creating a social environment where women are more and more seeking relationships because of desire rather than financial security. However, men still seek relationships with women as they always have, not for financial support but for emotional support. These changes in how women seek relationships versus how men seek relationships is having a big impact on the dynamics of dating. Men are doing what they have always done…achieve higher educational and financial status…to attract potential partners. These usual tactics are not having the same effect that they used to. Women are looking for more than just financial stability; they are looking for more well-rounded men, mentally and emotionally. Women are no longer willing to put up with men who have a lot of emotional baggage.
It is a powerful statement to say “women don’t need men anymore.” And, if you say it in a room full of men it will cause an outcry. Many men believe that women thinking this way is what is ruining relationships. However, it is sexism that has caused this issue. Men usually only show emotional vulnerability within the bonds of a romantic relationship. Men are not encouraged to emotionally express themselves to anyone other than a romantic partner. Men are not taught to form lasting platonic emotional bonds with other men. Men are not taught to talk about their feelings or to depend on emotional support from platonic friends. It is not women’s independence from sexism that is causing the issues, it is men’s complete dependency on emotional support from women that is causing men to have breakdowns when they cannot form romantic bonds.
How do we fix this? To start, men must understand that women are not seeking relationships based solely on what a man can provide financially. They are going to have to show that they are emotionally stable and not solely dependent on a woman for emotional support. Most women realize that sexism is hurting relationships, which is why so many women are choosing to be single rather than be the sole outlet for an emotionally dependent man. Men must realize this too.
~Kai
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I think that women put too much on this, they wrap themselves up into this way of thinking and it hurts their dating. Yes, if your an attractive woman you will have men who will date you and talk to you. That’s not what I am talking about, men like to know that a woman needs them, it has nothing to do with finances. When a woman spouts off about not needing him we become apprehensive about her. We like to know that if we have a disagreement you’ll want to work things out and won’t run because you have money of your own. Most men could care less about a woman having the money or not. They are more concerned with if they are attracted to them, good conversation and will be a good mother. The money is a bonus. When you get married you’re a team and all things are shared this includes money yours and his.