Ladies, if you want to improve your dating life, stop dating the men in your dms. I have been saying this for years yet people continue to insist that “sliding into the dms” is a great way to meet people. I wholeheartedly disagree. Men who send dms to women first are afraid of women, or rather they are afraid of rejection. Social media has made it very easy for men to have access to women they would have never had access to before. Think about it, the men who contact you in your dms probably would never speak to you in person if they had the opportunity. Not only that, social media has made it ridiculously easy to contact multiple women at the same time which increases a man’s chance of getting a date. Men contact MULTIPLE women through dms because someone (hopefully not you!) will answer. It’s basic statistics, with increased access to women, men have better chances of landing a date.

The dms (as well as dating apps) make it way too easy for a man to connect to a woman he might be interested in. I say might because in reality a man who is genuinely interested in you will take a calculated risk at being rejected. When a man is genuinely interested in you he will risk being rejected publicly. Asking a woman on a date in her dms means there is no public risk of rejection. Going on a date with a man who didn’t risk being rejected publicly means there’s a higher chance that he isn’t interested in you and a date with him will be low quality.

It’s important to only date men who show actual genuine interest in you to improve your dating life. This may mean you go out on less dates but it also means your dates will be better because talking to someone who really likes you is always better than talking to someone who might like you just because he saw your photo online. While I know it’s less likely now to meet men in person you can still meet publicly. Social media does still create public interactions between strangers. That means men can show interest in you by striking up conversations on public posts. If a man does that FIRST and then ASKS if he can send you a dm, that’s genuine interest. Remember, it’s important that a man risk being rejected by you because that means he’s actually willing to get his feelings hurt JUST for the opportunity to talk to you. A man willing to risk his own feelings just to go out with you means a lot when it comes to dating.

~Kai Nicole

Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!

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