I met a guy online that lives in NC (I live in AZ) we talked on the phone for four months, he came to AZ to see me, we had a nice time (I did not sleep with him) and he said he was thinking of moving to AZ. He was here a week and called me the day he left and I have not heard from him since. I texted him no reply. What happened?
Renee D
Dear Renee,
Short answer, once he met you he realized he wasn’t interested in you. Unfortunately, he lacked the courage to just tell you. That happens often. Meeting people online is not like meeting people in person. When you meet a man online you are not able to immediately gauge his interest as you are when you meet him in person. This is why I do not recommend online dating for women. Men who are genuinely interested in you will approach you. That makes it easier to eliminate those men who are only slightly interested…the majority of men who date online.
Before you beat yourself up over it, please understand that just because a man is not interested in you does not mean there is anything wrong with you. As I state in my book, “Often when women see the signs of rejection they have a hard time acknowledging and accepting it. This may be because women tend to believe that if a man doesn’t want to be with them, it means there is something wrong with them personally, and not simply that the man just isn’t interested.”
Rejection is a normal part of dating. It is not an indicator of anything being wrong. Even if you have talked for a while people’s interests change. This meeting could have gone the opposite way as well; you may have met him and lost interest.
Also from my book I emphasize that “[d]ating only one person when you are single is setting yourself up for disappointment. If your ONE date doesn’t work out, you end up feeling not only hurt but like a failure. The experience will lead you to date less.” I am guessing that during the four months that you talked on the phone with this man you did not go out and date anyone else. That is a mistake many women make. Had you been dating all along you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about this man now. “Dating is a numbers game for women too.”
One thing I want to make very clear is there is nothing wrong with you. Please do not beat yourself up over this ONE guy. There are so many more men out there. So…get up and get out there and meet some more. Grab a copy of Date Like A Woman and start to enjoy your dating life!
Kai
Follow me: @KaiNicole on Twitter, @KaiFlyMommy on Instagram. And, buy the best dating book for women, Date Like A Woman!
